The Beginning

Since our journey into the legal system began, I have come to learn of The Innocence Project. Here are some facts from their website:

The Innocence Project represents clients seeking post-conviction DNA testing to prove their innocence. We also consult on a number of cases on appeal in which primary counsel represents the defendant, and we provide information and background on DNA testing litigation. To date, 353 people in the United States have been exonerated by DNA testing, including twenty who served time on death row.

These people served an average of 14 years in prison before exoneration and release.

 

The Innocence Project’s full-time staff attorneys and Cardozo clinic students provide direct representation or critical assistance in most of these cases. Our intake and evaluation staff conduct extensive research into each case to determine whether DNA testing could be conducted to prove innocence. The Innocence Project’s groundbreaking use of DNA technology to free innocent people has provided irrefutable proof that wrongful convictions are not isolated or rare events but instead arise from systemic defects. Now an independent nonprofit organization closely affiliated with Cardozo School of Law at Yeshiva University, the Innocence Project’s mission is nothing less than to free the staggering numbers of innocent people who remain incarcerated and to bring substantive reform to the system responsible for their unjust imprisonment.
https://www.innocenceproject.org

 

The Beginning...

 

“And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked? Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein? That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? And the Lord said, if I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare the place for their sakes. And Abraham answered and said, behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes: Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all of the city for lack of five? And He said, if I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it. And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, “I will not do it for forty’s sake. And he said unto him, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall be thirty found there. And he said, “I will not do it, if I find thirty there. And he said, behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And He said, I will not destroy it for twenty’s sake. And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, “I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.” Genesis 18:23-32 (KJV)

 

“Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer” – English jurist William Blackstone

 

“…it is better and more satisfactory to acquit a thousand guilty persons than to put a single innocent one to death.” –Maimonides, 12^th century legal theorist.

Many people have expressed similar sentiments as Maimonides, William Blackstone, and Abraham the Patriarch of the Old Testament. Many Americans take for granted that our legal system operates under the presumption that you are innocent until proven guilty, in an ideal world, that would be the case. So many of us live in blissful ignorance, believing that things are ideal, and this is the way that the legal system works. I know that I was under this illusion of idealism. That is, until it came and hit me square in the face.

 

The journey of my family into the depths of the legal system began for us in the fall of 1999, a season for us that would begin a long season of heartache. We were a young family of three, expecting our second child, a daughter. I had just transitioned to a new full-time job at a private liberal arts college; I had been there for just about a year and had been working per diem as a Certified Nursing Assistant. We had a charming home in Marion, Iowa, a town just outside of Cedar Rapids, the second largest city in Iowa.  My wife's pregnancy progressed as normal; one day when we had an ultrasound, it was determined that Natalie was breech. We went to our regular appointments, and as I said things were normal, we had a non-stress test, and things again came back normal; as our pregnancy progressed, our daughter Natalie kept switching positions between breech and Vertex positions. 

Our due date came closer and closer...Natalie was still breech. Then a few days before her due date, she turned and was in the right position. Natalie's due date came and went a week, then two; the maximum that doctors would let us go was soon to be upon us. I went to work on the Friday before Natalie was to be born (unbeknownst to us) everything went as it normally did on a Friday at the college. I got a call from Beth, and she sounded nervous. She told me that she had not felt Natalie move very much that day. I was a bit concerned, and said that maybe she should call the doctor; did she want me to come home? She said no, she would wait; after all, we had an appointment on Monday anyway. We went in for our normally scheduled appointment Monday morning. I had taken time off from work to be there. I was sitting out in the waiting room with our son Derek when Beth was taken back. After a few moments, a nurse came and got me and said that another nurse would sit with Derek. My heart started racing, I was not sure what was going on, but I began to feel uneasy.

I went into the room where my beautiful wife was and could see that she had been crying. The nurse told me that the doctor would be in soon to talk to us. The doctor came in and began to use the ultrasound. She then preceded to tell us that she could not find our daughter's heartbeat. I was devastated...I am certain that my poor wife felt worse. I remember clearly cursing God. I remember asking, "How can there be a loving God who would allow this to happen?" I immediately apologized to all who were in the room and told them that I knew that what I had said was wrong, and that I knew that there was a loving God. I simply did not understand why he had allowed this to happen.

The doctor explained to us as best as she could what she thought had happened. A cord accident. My poor wife was devastated. I remember her saying that she felt as though her body had betrayed her. She has carried that blame that she placed on herself for an exceedingly long time. I am not sure if she will ever be free from that burden, she wears this side of heaven. The doctor then told us what our options were. We could go through a "Normal" childbirth (what about any of this was "Normal"??) and wait for things to happen naturally ("Naturally"?? on what planet was it natural for a poor mother to have to go home and wait for her stillborn child to be born when her body decided it was time? As it turns out, this happens far more often than you would imagine) or we could go right over to the hospital and induce labor. We chose that option. We called family and let them know what was going on, my parents, Beth's dad and sister, our pastor. We called Beth's cousins to take care of Derek while we delivered Natalie.

Our precious baby girl was born silently on September 13th, 1999. Almost 16 years later, that day is still an extremely hard day for me to make it through. I remember holding her, singing "Return to Pooh Corner" to her. They asked if we wanted pictures of her, of us holding her. I was not sure about it, I mean, I had mixed feelings. I am so extremely glad that we did. We all held her, Beth's cousin brought DJ in, and he held his baby sister. I miss her so very much. Our journey was just beginning, however. Beth's mom had been in the hospital at the same time as we were; she had a slow growing brain tumor that caused her to have a seizure. Doctors removed as much of it as they could, but they could not get all of it. It was benign, thank God, and so slow growing that it would not likely affect her again in her lifetime.

I went and picked my mom and dad up from the airport, and they came to stay with us to help us through this challenging time. I went home to get my mom and dad settled in and then went back to get Beth from the hospital and bring her home. The next day, my dad and I went to the Funeral home to meet with Mike, the Funeral Director. We did not have any money, but he helped us out anyway, we did not want Natalie cremated, we wanted a burial plot where we could visit her. He helped us pick out a nice little white casket to bury my precious baby girl in.

It is now 16 years later, and I still get all emotional and tear up when I think and talk about it. She would have been 16 years old this September. She would be talking about boys with all her little friends, how much she hated chemistry or math (like her mom). Looking at magazines containing prom and wedding dresses. Thinking about her future, if she would go to college and what for, (likely start out as early childhood education, LOL). In my experience, most girls I know start out that way. She would have been a freshman in high school, getting ready to enter her sophomore year in the fall. Instead, we were picking out clothes for her to be buried in. It did not seem fair, it still does not. We were good people, good parents, good Christians, why should some crack addict's baby live and ours die? Although my faith in God wavered a little at first, ok, a lot. I knew that somehow, this was the right course for our lives, I had to trust Him. I did not know why, but that was ok. It had to be. I could not change it; I could not take away the ache my wife or I felt when we should be getting up for late night feedings. I could not take away the memory of the last 10 months...

Later that day when we came home from the Funeral home, I forget exactly what I was doing; perhaps letting people know the arrangements when there was a knock at the door. My mom or my dad called me and told me that the police were there and wanted to talk to me, I was of course still in shock from everything that had occurred over the last few days. I had no idea why the police would want to talk to me. I had never done anything wrong. At any rate, I spoke to them; they said that there were some questions that a detective had wanted to ask me about a crime that I had allegedly committed in Massachusetts. I had no idea about what they were talking. They advised me not to leave town, that someone would be in touch with me, to which I crassly replied, I am making plans to bury my daughter, where would I go?

We held Natalie’s funeral on that Friday. Another day that is forever ingrained in my brain. As hard as I might try to forget any of these things (I do not really want to mind you, but just to dull the pain) I cannot. The pain is still as fresh as it was back then. I remember many of my co-workers from the College and the Computer store where I worked coming to the funeral. They were so sad. Everyone was sad. There was nothing I could do to help anyone. I could not even help myself. As I look back, I am sure that the event that started this is what really triggered my battle with depression. Losing my baby girl.

On Friday, I called down the police station, since we still had not heard from them. I called and asked for the Detective that they told me was overseeing things. She was not available to speak. Shocking surprise there. I tried not to give it much thought, but it was back there. I was wondering what they thought I could have possibly done that would bring the police to my door.

The story will continue in the next post: "The Middle"